June 20th marks the shattering of a five-year hiatus for Memory of God, developer of 2019’s The Stillness of the Wind and its predecessor, Where the Goats Are. It’s been a long five years without Coyan Cardenas on the indie scene, and it’s a welcome thrill to see him return with The End of You, a title that marks not only a departure from Stillness but a new beginning for Talma’s creator. The indie world will be relieved to hear that the years of stillness are over–Memory of God is back, and he’s here to stay. The End of You launches for PC on Steam, and while it explores the heartbreak of a goodbye, it also delivers the warmth of a hello–a hello we’ve eagerly awaited.
|| You’re back! What are you most enjoying about returning to game dev after your hiatus? It’s been five years since The Stillness of the Wind and four years since we had the pleasure of first speaking with you. What did you miss about developing games, if anything?
It feels great to be back even though the landscape is significantly different to what it was. I definitely missed it and this time out has only confirmed that this is what I’m supposed to be doing, and couldn’t imagine doing anything else at this point. I am an inherently creative person, and one essential aspect of creation is not just the creation of the thing itself, but of sharing that thing with others, which is what has been missing from the past 5 years. I think even though I was working on various unfinished prototypes during that time, the fact that I wasn’t sharing or finishing anything affected my self esteem and the imposter syndrome started setting in. So releasing this small game is me putting a stake in the ground saying: yes, I am still a game developer!
It sounds weird but I am enjoying some of the more tedious aspects of game dev that you don’t typically do when you’re just working on prototypes, like options menus and localisation. Also, unlike Stillness, for this project I decided to do all the writing and music myself and I’ve been really enjoying these aspects, even though I might not be the best at them.
|| How has burnout and breakup shaped your upcoming The End of You? Elsewhere you’ve noted that personal events have influenced your latest project, and that this game has been a cathartic exercise for you. Would you have made this title without these experiences, or have these experiences made this title?
I believe anything anyone makes is a result of the entirety of their lived experience up to that point. So no, this game definitely would not have existed if it wasn’t for my burnout and my breakup. But specifically I started working on this project for myself, keeping the scope very small to increase the chances of actually finishing it, and thinking about a narrative. When I broke up with my partner it made sense to pivot the project as relationships and breakups were very much on my mind at the time. I think even though the game isn’t an autobiography, the plot and themes definitely made me reflect on my past relationship: what happened, how did it happen, could it have happened any differently? But also as I was writing it I was thinking about all my previous relationships and, ultimately, myself and my own mental health. The game is from the perspective of Walter who clearly isn’t in a great place and is indicative of how I’ve felt at various times in the past. I feel like I am in a good place currently and I think giving myself this project to work on and the time to process all these things has definitely helped get me here.
|| What inspired the shift in visual presentation? The Stillness of the Wind has a significantly different aesthetic from what we’ve seen of The End of You, and the gameplay seems to be a departure as well. How does this new design impact your latest project?
I think due to the success of The Stillness of the Wind, which was a surprise for me as my first commercial game, there was a certain pressure to do something similar again, just a bit bigger. I felt like I had to stay within that space or risk alienating fans. This pressure was limiting me in terms of what I wanted to do, the ideas I wanted to play with. For me the significantly different art style, gameplay and perspective is a sign post saying I have not yet found my voice, I am still searching, and am actively fighting against being hemmed in too early. I had wanted to make a PSX-esque game for a while as I love the aesthetic, and figured this was the time to do it. Also, it’s a very different game to Stillness, and so deserves a different presentation. There was something about the place I was in when I started it that made me not want to make a ‘pretty’ game. I wanted it to be ugly, plain, domestic and nondescript.
|| In what frame of mind should players come to The End of You? You’ve stated that you hope players processing their own breakups could “potentially find some consolation” through this title. Given the somber nature of your previous games and the trailer itself, it seems likely this won’t be an overly cheerful type of consolation. What kind of solace do you imagine players may bring away with them after playing?
I have no idea to be honest. Ultimately personal loss is something we all have to go through alone, on our own terms and in our own way. This project was my specific way of doing that. When grieving it can feel easier to be avoidant, to distract yourself from the pain, but I think sometimes sitting in your feelings and allowing yourself to feel everything can be a way to achieve acceptance and move on. The End of You could grant that license, to allow (force?) you to sit in these emotions for an hour or so, perhaps even giving some perspective which can be hard to get on your own.
At the end of the day I think the only thing I can promise if you are going through a similar situation is that you will come out of it feeling slightly less alone, knowing someone has gone though the same things, felt the same feelings, and come out the other side.
|| What were some of your brightest moments from your hiatus, and how would you encourage other game devs to seek the same? Burnout seems all too often a symptom of working in video games. What can other solo or indie devs learn from your experiences? How does one survive burnout?
I don’t think I would encourage doing what I did. My hiatus was not a happy one unfortunately, it was born of necessity. I think the best thing to do is to develop healthy working habits and avoid burnout altogether. The development of The Stillness of the Wind was incredibly intense; I put a lot of pressure on myself to make the greatest thing ever, even though it was my first game. I see now I was just setting myself up for failure and disappointment, regardless of how successful it was. I don’t have the same ambitions this time. The End of You is a game that deals with a small part of the entirety of lived experience, it’s not the most epic story ever told, and that’s ok. I’m happy for it to be what it is.
I am allowing myself actual weekends now and most days I stop working at 6. But I think ultimately what led to the burnout was that there was no separation between work and life. I would say the best way of avoiding burnout is to separate your work from your self worth: You are not your work!
|| What comes next for Lambic Studios? The End of You deals with closure, but is it also a sign of a new beginning for your journey in game dev? What can we look forward to from your studio in the coming years?
It is absolutely a new beginning for me. After 5 years out of the game the pressure to release something was getting bigger and bigger, and so I wanted to release something small just to go through the motions again, but I am very excited for the future. Making a project so niche (even compared to Stillness) has given me license to be more experimental and left field with future projects, and not worry so much about how they will be received, as you can never predict these things anyway, and just make things that I like. Hopefully that will result in more interesting projects. There may be more misses than hits, but as long as I’m enjoying the process and making things that I find meaningful, I have faith they will find an audience.
|| You’re able to time travel back to yourself when you were just starting in on The Stillness of the Wind. You have the option to tell yourself something, or you can say nothing and walk away. What do you choose? If you tell yourself something, what is it that you say, and why?
I would tell myself to relax, that this is my first game, I’m at the beginning of my journey. It won’t define me or my career for the rest of my life, it’s an expression of where I was at that point in time, and there is no expectation for it to be anything more. And if it’s not to everyone’s tastes, that’s ok.
Game Pilgrim 